Drabbles of the ZoSan!
by Zo One
Summary: These are a few drabbles of the horribly hectic place that is known as my mind! Don't be scared! Chains are fun! X3
1. Eye

**Okay, now even I have a drabble section... But I needed to write these silly little things down!! Some of them are just passing thoughts that I have (usually during English class) and others are just too short to be actual stories... So please enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer- No matter I much I wish on eyelashes, stars, or dandiloins... I never wake up as Eiichiro Oda. Sad I know.**

_1- The classic, what's up with Sanji's hidden eye?_

Zoro saw him. He was watching him. More like staring. Zoro tried to make it obvious to the blonde that he did not want to be drooled over at the moment.

Zoro finished his training with one final, powerful, stroke. He set down the massive weights with a sigh and headed towards the man who had been staring at him so rudely.

"Oi! Shit cook, what are you staring at?" Zoro scratched his bare chest. It made the blonde blush.

"Nuttin'" Sanji ran his hand through his forelocks, his eye constantly hidden, no matter which direction his hair went. He turned around and headed back into the galley.

'How can he even stare at me with just that one eye of his?' Zoro thought to himself. 'What does his other eye even look like? Now that I think about it, no matter how many times i've been with him, I've never even seen his other eye.'

Zoro continued to think about all the possibilities that could lie behind Sanji's gorgeous, golden locks.

That night Zoro leaned over Sanji, who was in his hammock, sleeping soundly. He gently pulled back the golden hair that was always gaurding the object of Zoro's current obsession. There was nothing unusual about it. There was just a normal eyelid, with a cute little curly eyebrow.

'But what's underneath?' Zoro's curiousity had gotten the best of him. He knew he should have just left it at that, he _should_ have left it at that.

He slowly pulled open the eyelid and peered inside. What he saw... scared the shit out of him. He saw a _mechanical_ eye. It was all electronic looking with a red light in the middle.

"Holy shit!! Sanji's a robot!!" Zoro yelled waking up the entire boys cabin.

"Huh? What's that Zoro? Sanji's a robot? Were you having some weird dream?" Usopp asked rubbing his eyes. Zoro just shook his head and ran out onto the deck when he saw Sanji start to wake up.

Zoro stared out into the sea. He wasn't sure how long he had been up in the crows nest. He had been thinking about the whole robot thing but he had come to a conclusion.

"Oi... Moss head you still up here?" Zoro turned to look at Sanji, but he didn't flinch, not in the least.

"Yeah."

"You wanna talk about this whole robot thing?" Sanji asked, sitting next to Zoro.

"Yeah."

"Why were you lookin at me while I was sleeping."

"Your cute." Zoro said bluntly, causing Sanji to blush.

"Why did you yell that I was a robot?" Zoro pointed to his eye. "... Your not freaked out or anything? Are you?" Sanji was nervious.

"Naw. I figured something out while I was up here." Zoro said leaning back.

"Really what's that?" Sanji asked with a nervous laugh.

"Robots can't love right? Well you love me right? So your not really a robot." Sanji grinned.

"Of course I love you! And for once I'm glad you listen to Usopp!" Sanji said as he nibbled on Zoro's ear. "I will always love you."

"Good." Zoro said contently.

**Yosh!! I've always wondered what would happen if Sanji's eye was seriously messed up. I figured that Zoro really wouldn't care anyway, I mean seriously look at the rest of his crew. There is no way that could come as a huge shock, no? .**


	2. Blond hair?

**Hoocha! It seemed people actually _liked _my odd robot thought. I was seriously going to make Sanji say "the better to scan you with, baby." but that's just going too far... ha, scan... And now for my next odd ZoSan thought!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece... please stop rubbing it in my face.**

_2- Blond hair!?_

Luffy, Chopper and Usopp giggled as they snuck across the deck, carrying armfuls of gold and yellow spray paint.

"This is going to be soooooo _fun_." Luffy whispered to the other two as they skillfully approached the green haired sleeping man. They each pulled out a can and as quietly as they could began spraying the grass colored hair on top of Zoro's head. Good thing Zoro could sleep through just about anything. Otherwise these three probably would end up finding themselves swimming to the next island... Well carried by Usopp, and that probably wasn't the most reliable way either.

"It's perfect!" Chopper said as they pulled away from Zoro and admired their work.

"Yeah it is. It looks _real_." Usopp said nodding his head. They all giggled and ran off to their shelter, just in case.

Zoro woke up to the feeling that some one was staring at him. He cracked an eye open and looked up. He saw Nami staring down at him.

"What do you want?" He asked, not to nicely.

"What did you do to your hair?" She asked pointing to his head.

"Nothing. It's perfectly fine." He said running his hand through his hair. It felt normal, except it was a little crusty... but it was usually like that, so no worries.

"But Zoro your--" He cut her off.

"I said it's fine, so it is! Now go away." He rolled over in attempt to get her to leave but she just stood there gawking like she had never seen his hair before. "Fine! If you don't go away I will." He got up from his napping spot and headed to the kitchen. He knew Sanji wouldn't care if he hadn't washed his hair in a few weeks. Or at least he think he did.

Zoro entered the kitchen and slammed the door shut.

"Oi! Moss head don--" Sanji turned around and stop talking in shock when he saw Zoro's hair.

"You were saying?" Zoro asked annoyed.

"Why do you have blond hair?"

"What the hell are you talking about? My hair is _green_. Hence the name moss head." Sanji just shook his head and handed Zoro a mirror that he carried on him at all times.

Zoro stared into the mirror with disbelief.

"What the fuck!! Who the hell did this?!! When I get my hands on them I'm going to KILL them!" He yelled while looking in the mirror. He did have to admit he looked pretty damn hott... Well hotter. He pulled on a strand of hair and looked at his finger. What ever they had put in his hair, it was set in pretty good.

"Zoro you realize that..." Sanji's voice trailed off.

"That I look fuckin' hott?" Sanji glared. "What you jealous now? Or are you just mad that I look hotter than you with blond hair?" Sanji seethed in anger.

"N-no you stupid mar-- shitty swordsman..." Zoro laughed.

"And I found another upside to this. No more moss head or insults on my wonderful hair!" Zoro walked out of the galley leaving behind a seriously pissed off cook.

Zoro just went about the rest of his day doing what he usually did. Sleep, and train, occasionally looking for the ones who did this to his hair, and he had a pretty good idea who too.

After a few hours of training Zoro wiped the sweat from his brow and noticed that his hair was leaking.

"It's about time this stuff started to come out. Guess I'll just take a shower then." He put away all of his equipment and headed to the showers, not realizing he was being followed the whole way.

When he stepped in the hot water he shouted some _very_ vulgar words when he felts a pair of skinny hands wrap around his waist.

"Dammit shit cook! Don't do that!... ... ... ... ...Wait. Why are you in here?" Zoro said as Sanji began scrubbing his scalp with shampoo.

"I want to make sure you get this shit outta your hair. I can't stand the way Nami-chan looks at you." Zoro snorted.

"'Snot like I liked it like this.. (wow that's alotta likes!!)... I just like how jealous you got thats all." He said leaning into Sanji's touch. Now it was Sanji's turn to snort.

"Well I say we get some serious revenge for this." Sanji suggested.

"Sounds great to me."

After a few hours of revenge Sanji and Zoro looked down and admired their work. Luffy never looked so good with pink hair, nor Usopp with red, and they didn't have enough paint for Chopper so they painted him with purple polka dots.

"I think this calls for a celebration." Sanji said as he ran his hands through Zoro's now soft green hair.

"I'm in."

**Could anyone actually imagine Zoro with blond hair? Sexy! That's what I think! I'm going to start calling these my English class classics! Mainly coz that's where I come up with these weird ideas... Mr. Waples really doesn't appreciate though. He just doesn't understand, he just don't understand... **


	3. Embarrassing moments

**Mwa ha ha!! Heh, this next one came to me in a dream!!!! Ya this shows off my more, shall I say, perverted side. XD**

**Disclaimer Meh. Blah, Blah, don't own, yadda, yadda, One Piece, dribble, dribble, yak.**

Zoro took a quick glance over his shoulder.

'Dear Lord. She's still there.' There was a woman that had been following Zoro around for a few hours now and it was seriously starting to creep him out.

They had docked earlier this morning and the crew had went their separate ways. Nami, Robin, Chopper and Sanji had gone shopping (Nami and Robin went for books and clothes, while Sanji and Chopper got supplies). Usopp and Luffy were still on the ship, so Zoro was stuck to wanderthe town looking for a decent tavern (He wanted some sake). But ever sense he started to look around a blond woman had been following him. He was so creped out that he passed the tavern several times but never noticed because of his paranoia.

'What the hell could this chick want?' He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He was so tempted to scare her off with a flash of his katana, but he wasn't supposed to attract attention to himself, which was hard enough to do while carrying around three swords and have grass green hair, he naturally attracted attention.

He picked up the pace just to hear the womans footsteps match his. He couldn't stand it anymore.

"Er, lady stop following me." He said as politely as he could. The woman stopped and looked down at her feet. They were standing in an ill-used intersection. The wind blew and a tumbleweed drifted in between them.

"I like you." She said to her feet. Zoro twitched.

"I'm sorry but I wouldn't be good for you." He said, still trying to be polite.

"Why?!" She suddenly demanded.

Zoro took a step back, not really sure what to say. He almost jumped when he felt an arm wrap around his shoulder. He looked over to see Sanji. He had never felt so relieved in all of his life.

"Oi, moss head. I've been looking for you everywhere." Sanji wrapped his arm around Zoro's neck and pulled him closer. He glanced at the woman. Her face said 'Do you two know each other?' but she stood there too embarrassed to do anything but watch the event that was taking place in front of her.

Sanji nuzzled his face against Zoro's neck.

"I was looking for you for a reason ya know." Sanji put his lips next to Zoro's ear, "You wanna know why?" He said this loud enough though for the woman to hear. He glanced over to see if she was still there. She was, looking determined.

'Is this woman dense or something?... Pretty foxy though.' Sanji thought to himself. He wrapped his other arm around Zoro's waist and pulled him into a hug so that their bodies were pushed up against each other.

Zoro hid his face in the crook of Sanji's neck. He was really embarrassed. Why didn't that chick just leave, before Sanji embarrassed him even more? What embarrassed him even more than that was the fact was the he was the one who usually scared the girls away from Sanji, not the other way around.

"I found us a nice hotel room on the other side of town, just for the two of us." Sanji licked Zoro neck suggestively. He looked over to see the woman still. He sighed inwardly.

"I just want to have that feeling of you inside me again, I can't wait for you cum deep--" Sanji was cut off by the woman.

"Oh my gawd! You two are gay?!?" She yelled. Sanji smiled but continued to nibble on Zoro's ear. Zoro gasped and blushed.

'Why is she _still_ here!' He thought as he looked over at the woman she was looking down at her feet, as if she was coming up with some kind of plan. Sanji pulled Zoro into a heart melting kiss, interrupting Zoro's angry thoughts.

The woman went red in the face and backed off slowly, then ran down the street in total embarrassment.

"Geez! It's about damn time!" Zoro said as he tried to escape Sanji's hold. Sanji held onto him tighter.

"And where do you think your going?" He asked seductively.

"To the tavern."

"What you think I was kidding about the hotel?" Sanji asked. Zoro smiled.

"Well then what are you waiting for?"

**And they had fun for the rest of the night!! Mah! My mind is contaminated! But sometimes i'm convinced that, that can be a good thing, ya? **

**Am I the only one that gets weird cravings for food when mad? Geez, I wanted some strawberry pocky sooooo bad today! And it's all my math teachers fault!! Thats right I'm blaming you Mrs. Davidson!! (dear lord I hope she ain't reading this) XD.**


	4. Math!

**Holy cheese and crackers. These could seriously be daily drabbles! My mind just doesn't stop. The sad thing is, is that I have to write the summary down on paper within five minutes or I'll forget for the rest of my life... Or at least a week. XD**

**Disclaimer- I am seriously waiting for the day when I actually say 'Yes! I do own One Piece! In your face!'... sigh. That would be soooo cool.**

_4- It's all a mathematical equation!_

Zoro looked down at his rope. He was supposed to cut it in ½ then again in thirds.

"Okay I get the half part, but what is a third of a half? Dammit Usopp. Why do you hav'ta go and make things so damn complicated?" He laid the rope out and found it's middle, he made a quick cut and looked at the two pieces.

"Ummmm, how much is a third anyway?" He scratched his head and tried to remember what Sanji had taught him about math.

_'If your working with fractions, marimo, just picture a pie.' _

_'What kind?' He asked. Sanji twitched._

_'Cherry if you want. Now the pie is one whole and you divide it into the amount of sections...'_

_Zoro drifted off into sleep._

'Dammit' He cursed himself mentally. 'I wish his lesson wasn't so boring, so I wouldn't have fallen asleep.' Because of course _nothing_ was his fault.

He sat down cross legged, staring at the rope with a look that made it look like he wanted it to cut itself into thirds. He heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see Luffy.

"Whatcha doin' Zoro?" He asked.

"How much is a third?" Zoro asked. Pretty stupid though, to ask Luffy a math question.

"I dunno... Why don't you just go ask Sanji?" Zoro visibly twitched. Asking Sanji for help had certain... consequences. (hint: uke)

Zoro sighed and got up. 'Not like I have a choice in this matter.'

Luffy just laughed as if he knew and walked off singing "Numa numa numa lie..."

Zoro opened the kitchen door and saw Sanji sitting at the table smoking a cigarette.

"Oi." Sanji said.

"Yeah, oi to you too." Zoro kicked the floor lightly. "Hey Sanji... ... can I ask for you help?"

Sanji smiled, in more of a creepy 'I have you where I want you' way.

"Help? With what?"

"... Math." Sanji's smiled widened.

"Sure thing! You know what that means though don't you?" Zoro glared at him but nodded his head.

"Okay then! Tell me what is ailing you?" Zoro twitched again.

"How much is a third?..." Sanji laughed.

"That's it?!? Wow this is going to be easier than I thought."

They went outside and Sanji pointed to the spots that Zoro needed to cut. Zoro looked at the rope and slapped himself on the head.

"God I'm stupid. I just had to cut it in three equal pieces each."

"No shit sherlock."

"Hey! Well if your so good at math why don't you just prove it!"

"Okay then give me a fraction."

"1/3"

"Simple 1/3 cups can equal 1 fl. oz, 2 tbsp., 6 tsp., or 30 ml. Your choice."

"T-that's different! That's food math!" Zoro stammered.

"Hey why don't you two try this!" Nami had over heard their previous conversation and went and got a couple rubiks cubes from her room. She handed both Sanji and Zoro one.

"Okay, on my count, the first to complete theirs is the winner."

"And the loser gets tied up!" Sanji yelled. Nami and Zoro glanced at him with confused looks but shrugged anyway.

"Okay then... Go!" Zoro and Sanji started working on their cubes like mad men.

"Done!" Sanji shouted!

"Woah! That's a time of 43 seconds!"

"H-hey! How did you solve it that fast?!?" Zoro asked, worried now, because he was now officially uke _and_ tied up... Not a good combination on his part.

"Easy my simple minded nakama. It's all a mathematical equation!"

"Oh no you don't! You better not go all mathmatition on me! I'd rather face my consequences than that!" Sanji grinned evilly.

----later that night-----

Zoro was lying in his hammock all tied up and underneath Sanji.

"Hey guess what I'm gunna do now moss head?"

"Hm?" Zoro grunted.

"For making such a big fuss over that rope, I think I'll teach you a little lesson..." Sanji purred into his ear.

'Please no, please no.' Zoro thought to himself.

During their whole lovemaking session, Sanji yelled mathematical equations to Zoro, just to piss him off. That and he couldn't fight back.

'What's so wrong with having a little fun with math?' Sanji thought.

**Eee hee! The funny thing is, I thought of this whole math thing, not in math class, but in english... That just proves how boring that class actually is! Thank goodness there is only 3 days of school left. **

**Oh and all those measurements that Sanji recites, are all correct. I always have my handy dandy dry measurement conversion chart with me! Well, actually in my kitchen... I never knew it could be useful!**


	5. Kool Aid!

**... I love chocolate syrup!! I'm eating some right now!! Sooooo happy, yet sooooo hyper!!! Ma-ha! Oh and this particular drabble was inspired by : KoloheSanji! Yeppers I looked at your pen name and I was like "KOOL-AID!!"... Not really sure why though.**

**Disclaimer- I no own One Piece... (looks through couch cushions) Oi! I found a quarter!**

_5- The kool-aid man's vengeance._

Zoro looked over at Sanji with a glare that promised pain later on. He was madder than a wet hen. In fact he _was_ wet, just not a hen.

Zoro had just finished fishing Luffy out of the _cold_ sea, and it was all Sanji's fault.

He tossed Luffy back onto the deck and cringed when Luffy jumped up and put him in bear hug, that probably would have killed a bear.

"That's it cook. You and me in the galley, _now."_

Sanji just shrugged and headed towards the galley, trying to recall what exactly he had done.

------ o our god! It's a flash back!!-----

10 minutes ago.

"Oh! Robin-chan and Nami-swan! I brought some refreshing lemon-aid for your enjoyment!" Sanji did a twirl while holding a platter with two glasses of ice and a pitcher of lemon-aid.

"Thank you cook-san." Robin said as she grabbed the glasses with a pair of bloomed hands and held them out for Sanji to pour the liquid.

"Sure thing my lovely--"

"SAAAAAAANJIIIIIII!!!!" Luffy came falling down from the crows nest and landed on Zoro. "I want some too!"

"Get your own!" The cook shot back.

"Well then gimme the pitcher!" Luffy looked at the pitcher closer. "HEY SANJI LOOK!!" He screamed unnecessarily.

"What?" the cook said, agitated.

"The pitcher has a smiley face on it! I wanna hug it!" Luffy made a mad jump for the smiling pitcher, but his attempts were thwarted by Sanji who just kicked him in the head.

"Oh no you don't! This is Robin-chan's and Nami-swan's lemon-aid!" Luffy looked like he was about to cry for a second then got up and grinned.

"OH YEAH!" He yelled grabbing for the pitcher.

"No!" Sanji kicked him again.

"OH YEAH!" Luffy said, getting up again.

"Dammit Luffy! Shut up!" Sanji kicked Luffy squarely in the head and sent him flying over the side of the boat.

"OH NO!!" The captain cried as he flew.

"Oi! Moss head, your first mate, you get him." Sanji said as he looked over the railing. Zoro grunted and got up, not to happily. He shoved his katanas in Sanji's arms and jumped over the edge to retrieve the hat wearing captain.

----- end flash back-----

"I wonder if that's why he's so mad?" Sanji asked himself as he watched Zoro close the galley door and lock it.

What started out as a fight had become a mixture of pain and pleasure for Sanji.

For a while the crew outside could hear the faintest "Oh yeah" coming from the galley. They chose to ignore it, for the simple reason, they really didn't want to know.

**OH YEAH! I love you kool-aid man! You allow us to drink your fruity blood for our enjoyment! Thank you! XD**

**And thanks to all my readers! How y'all put up with me and my weirdness I don't know. But thank you!**


	6. Happiness

**Hello! Hola! Bon jour! Aloha! And whatever else! Yay! I'm sooo happy to day, that it's almost disgusting! Almost. But then, Zoro's not really a happy person now is he? Happiness makes the toast burn!**

**Disclaimer-... Do I really have to keep telling you guys this?**

_6- Zoro **is** a happy person! Got it?_

Zoro was snoring loudly as he slept against the mast.

"Oi shit swordsman! Get in 'ere and help clean up!" Sanji yelled at him from the galley. Zoro snored louder and ignored him.

"Pssst. Sanji I think he's ignoring you." Usopp said from behind Sanji. Luffy nodded his head from behind Usopp.

"Shut up! Just help me get him in 'ere to do some damn chores." Sanji said, annoyed.

"Why do want Zoro to help so much?" Luffy asked. If Luffy hadn't meant that in an innocent way, Sanji would have kicked his lights out.

"Because." He said through gritted teeth, "I'm tired of him being a lazy ass!"

"But doesn't he train all the time?" Usopp asked.

"Will you two just shut up and help me already?" He glared at them.

"Yessir." they said in chorus. The trio walked up the the sleeping swordsman.

"OI! Wake up!" Sanji yelled.

"Go to hell." Zoro mumbled.

"Woah, Zoro, your not a very happy person." Usopp said stroking his chin in a thoughtful manner. Zoro stood up suddenly and grabbed Usopp by the collar of the shirt he was wearing. (It was too cold to be wearing only overalls now)

"I am a _very_ happy person long nose!" He sputtered in anger. He pushed Usopp away. "Got that?" Usopp nodded and ran away in fear.

"Oi, grumpy, keep this up and you'll be my only kitchen help." Sanji sighed. Why did Usopp have to go and say such a stupid thing. Oh well, stupid is as stupid does.

"Oh I know!" Luffy said suddenly. "You have to have a happy place right?" He sounded pretty confident. Zoro sighed.

"If you insist." He led them to his 'happy place'.

"Um Zoro. This is the training room." Luffy said.

"Yep. Welcome to my happy place." He looked at Luffy. "Now get your shit and leave." Luffy looked pretty sad, but walked off anyway, muttering that he only wanted to help make Zoro happy.

"Dammit marimo. Now you _have _to help with the kitchen." Sanji seethed.

"Sure thing." Zoro yawned.

"W-what?!? That it? No complaints?" Sanji took a step back in disbelief.

"Yep."

"What about the others? What was that for?"

"Well, they wanted me to be happy." Sanji nodded, confused. "And I'm always happy when I'm with you." Sanji blushed.

"But that still doesn't explain _why_ you chased them off like that."

"Simple. I like to be with you _alone._"

"Oh no you don't! We are not doing anything in that kitchen!" Sanji said angry.

"Why not?" Zoro asked disappointed.

"'Coz it's dirty!"

"Well what about after we clean it?" Zoro slid his hands up Sanji's shirt. Sanji blushed.

"You have such a one track mind!" He glared at Zoro. "Fine whatever, lets go."

"I knew you'd see things my way."

"No. I just want this that's all. I'm _not_ agreeing with you!" Zoro laughed. He was always happy when Sanji agreed with him.

**See Zoro _can_ be happy. Just only when he gets his way! XD. **

**Hey what if I told you that I was running out of ideas? Well 1 that would be a lie but 2 that would be me saying "hey y'all can give me some ideas that you want to read! I'd happily type something up fur ya!"**

**Yay hilly billy talk!**


	7. Message in the sky

**Yosh! Okay this one was inspired by... the dream I had last night! Yep! I lived in a cheese bag or something 'coz every time I looked up at the sky I saw the word _KRAFT_. It was really weird.**

**Disclaimer- Yep I write some smart ass comment here and y'all don't sue me! Works just fine for me.**

_7- message in the sky_

Zoro arose from his slumber. He looked up at the sky to see a large amount of huge birds fly above him.

"Oi! We near land?" He shouted to no one in particular. He was answered by the last person he wanted to see right now.

"No. According to my maps we have--" Zoro cut Nami off.

"I don't care about your damn maps right now." He got up and began to walk off.

"Are you _still_ angry about last night?" Nami said.

"NO!" he lied.

--------- Last night-------

Nami was walking down to the deck when she slipped on a crayon that Luffy had left out earlier.

As she fell Sanji ran up to catch her and almost didn't make it. When he caught her she fell onto his lips and they were stuck kissing.

Zoro turned the corner to see them lip locked and immediately turned around and left, leaving Nami to slap Sanji as hard as she could, before he ran after Zoro.

No matter how times they tried to explain it to him, he couldn't help but be pissed.

-----end-------

"I don't know how many time I have to tell you but there is no way on earth I would intentionally put my mouth anywhere on that man!" She spat on the ground to prove her point.

"Che, whatever." He left her and went to the mast for his next nap. With a huge yawn he looked up to the sky again. He saw the birds again but this time they were carrying a message.

_'You are my one and only. Will you marry me?'_

Zoro looked back down to see the chef a few feet away reading it also.

"Oi! Shit cook. What are you trying to pull?" Sanji looked down at Zoro and then back to the sky.

"Nuttin." He replied. Zoro walked over to Sanji and slapped the chef on the back.

"Hey um, i'm sorry 'bout last night and stuff..." Zoro trailed off.

"Naw, It's all right. I would have been pretty pissed too, if it were me." He looked back down at Zoro. "Hey did you send that?" He asked. Zoro looked at Sanji for a moment then smiled.

"Naw, but we can pretend I did if you really want."

"Okay, I will." Zoro's hand found Sanji's and they stood there, hand in hand, and watched the birds fly past.

**(wipes away tear) Yes I love it when they hold hands. Because if you think about it, there is a greater chance of those two doin the nasty in a storage closet before they hold hands... Not really sure how that works but yeah!**

**Review if you like, or if you hate. Honestly I don't mind flames! They just give me something to dance around and chant. (I'm 1/3 native american)XD.**


	8. Motorcycle Machoism

**Howdy y'all! Lemme see this one was inspired by... well my dad's motorcycle. I was just staring at it and I thought 'would Zoro be cool if he had one of these?' Then I touched the tail pipe (It was still very hot) and burned myself. Now I'm taking it out on poor Zoro.**

**Disclaimer- See this? TT This is me not owning One Piece.**

_8- Motorcycle Machoism_

Zoro swerved in between two crossing cars. He couldn't be late to pick up Sanji, well not again at least. He shifted his bike into gear and sped down the road.

He finally stopped in front of a small apartment down a dark alley.

"Oi bitch. Get out here, I'm on time for once." Zoro yelled at the house. The door slammed open to reveal an extremely pissed blonde.

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not your damn bitch. I'm your _lover_. And if you keep it up pretty soon I'll be the guy that kicked your ass into a bloody pulp and left you in a ditch somewhere." Zoro snorted in partial arrogance and partial fear. Sanji strode up to him and zipped up his jacket.

"What was that for?" Zoro asked pretty pissed off that Sanji had so much as _touched_ his precious leathers.

"I don't need your damn zipper flying around smacking me." Zoro glared at him. "Oh please. I washed my hands. Are you happy now?" Zoro grunted in satisfaction and shifted so Sanji could get on. Zoro took off with out another word.

After reaching their destination and Sanji fixing his deshelved hair, Zoro parked as far away from the club as possible, because god forbid if anyone even _looked_ at his bike funny. He locked it up and smiled at the bike with appreciation.

"Now aren't you glad I talked you out of buying that _moped_?" Sanji asked snidely. Zoro blanched.

"I have no idea what your talking about." Zoro lied and walked away.

"Sure you don't." Sanji said as he followed him into the club with pounding music. "Sure you don't."

**Yep this is short. But for some reason I could see Zoro getting a moped thinking it was cool. He could borrow Usopp's goggles and take a nice ride down the streets of Greece. That would be cool.**


	9. Jigglypuff style

**Howdy! Lemme see oh ya! Inspiration for this one came from... Jigglypuff from Pokemon! (Yes I still play/watch Pokemon) Moo ha ha!**

**Disclaimer- Squiggle...**

_9- Good night, sleep tight._

Zoro looked up at the cloudless sky.

'Its just going to be another boring day.' He thought to himself as he yawned deeply and leaned against the mast. They had just finished lunch and he was mighty sleepy now, plus the heat wasn't really helping him stay awake. Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, he heard that familiar deep voice that always found a way to get on his nerves.

"Oi, shit swordsman. Get off your lazy ass and help me with the dishes." He heard the familiar footsteps come to his side. "I'm serious. You lazy son of a b- bee sting." He corrected his language as Nami walked into earshot. It pissed Zoro off, how he treated the women as if they were goddesses. Nami was from hell, and he knew it.

"Dishes can wait." Grunted the swordsman. He felt Sanji's glare. "Too sleepy." He started to snore.

"Oi! Marimo, get _up!_" Sanji lifted a leg in the air. Just as he was about to bring it down upon Zoro's empty head, he caught it. "G-god dammit!" Sanji stumbled from his sudden loss of balance and Zoro pulled him down on top of him.

"Here, you can take a nap with me. Then we'll do the dishes." Sanji sat in Zoro's lap, his back to Zoro's chest.

"What if someone sees?!" Sanji said nervously, squirming around a bit.

"So what if they see? If you want the dishes done, just take a nap." Sanji snorted at the stupid deal.

"Fine whatever asshole." Sanji snuggled into Zoro. "But if you do anything funny, I'll personally see that you are painfully castrated." Zoro chuckled a little.

"Promise." Zoro put his chin on Sanji's shoulder and began to snore, except it was a bit quieter than usual, just not by much. Sanji leaned back and sighed deeply.

'Whatever.' He thought and drifted off into sleep as well.

... I like shiny things!...

Luffy looked around the corner and grinned. He had just risked his life going through Nami's and Robin's room looking for a marker, and he was successful. Originally he was just going to draw on the galley walls, but Zoro and Sanji's faces looked like more fun.

Luffy snuck up to the two sleeping men and peered into their faces with a look of contemplation.

"What to do, what to do." He scratched the back of his head. He suddenly grinned evilly. "Eee hee hee." He uncapped his marker and got to work.

... Yellow is for banana. You are a banana...

Zoro awoke from his peaceful nap. He stretched a little and looked over to Sanji. What he saw was probably the funniest thing he had ever seen. Sanji had a monicle on his visible eye and a curly french mustache drawn on his face with what looked like permanent marker.

"Ha ha ha!" He started to belly laugh and woke up Sanji.

"Ugh, what the hell is so damn funny?" mumbled the drowsy cook, he looked up at Zoro and he couldn't contain his own laughter. "Holy cow! Zoro!" He snorted through laughter. "You look so stupid!" Zoro suddenly stopped laughing.

"What?" he looked down at Sanji with a confused face. Sanji just laughed harder. Zoro had whiskers and the tip of his nose was colored to make him look like some type of animal, and the word rainbow was written in childish letters was across his forehead.

Sanji turned around and poked Zoro in the face and puckered his lips, making Zoro laugh again.

"You look stupid too!" He chuckled.

"WHAT?!?" Sanji ran off to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Zoro could hear him curse all the way on the deck. "Luffy I'm going to kick your fucking ass from here to All Blue!"

Zoro just smiled as he heard Luffy yelling apologies and his shouts of pain. 'Looks like I got out of dishes tonight.' He thought smugly and drifted off back into a nap.

**Enjoy y'all! There will be plenty more of these! I have more ideas than you can shake a stick at. But if you have an idea... I'll take a request! Shoes!! (No more soda pop for me!)... Circle, circle dot, dot. Now I got my cootie shot. Square, square knife, knife. Now got it all my life... Ha! XD**


	10. Bastardo borracho

**Do you know how fun it is to call people mean names in different languages? Inspiration comes in all forms! XD Yep I was calling my brother a bastardo borracho (drunken bastard), and I was like hey... Zoro is one too! X3**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece, I'm just borrowing it's characters for my own sick fantasies!**

_10- Bastardo borracho _

Zoro sat behind the counter of a bar in some random town that they had stopped at. He was in the middle of downing is 4th or 5th sake, he wasn't sure which... Maybe it was more than that? His cheeks were pink with drunkness and his speech was slurred.

"Oi! (hic) bartender, hit me with another." Zoro stammered.

"M'sorry Mr. Bushido. I'm afraid that if I give you another, you won't even make it to the door." The bartender said while drying a mug.

"I'll show you damn doors." Zoro slurred. "See it's right there." He stumbled off his chair and pointed to the ceiling. "I think I can m-manage." The bartender smiled and shoved the overly drunk man out the door.

"Thank you for your patronage." He said as he closed the door behind him. Zoro glanced around, everything was blurry... and tinged purple.

"Che, who needs your packages anyway." Zoro cursed. He started walking down the dimly lit street. He would stagger every here and there, but other than that everything was perfectly normal.

"Stop staring at me!" He yelled to a young girl that walked passed him. She looked up at him with fear and started to cry. "Oh I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up." She kept crying and he felt really bad. "Here take this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a rock. When that had gotten into his pocket he wasn't sure, he must have picked it up a few minutes ago.

The girl took the rock, smiled, and threw it in a window. "Jerk!" She yelled as she ran. A couple came out of the house as he stared after the girl, confused as to what just happened.

"You! Your going to pay for that!" Yelled the man.

"W-what?" He stammered.

"You broke our window! Your going to pay for a new one!" The man shouted slowly, so Zoro could catch his words.

"I-I didn't break anything... It was that midget! It ran away after that loud boom." Zoro hiccuped. Things were not going he way, he was sober enough to be able to see that.

"That 'boom' was you breaking my window!" The man yelled.

"No." He said coldly and drew his swords. "I did not take that pony." He pointed them at the man to get his point across.

"Uh... O-of course not." The man held his hands up in surrender and retreated back into the safety of his home. Zoro sheathed his swords and proceeded down the street. His head was already starting to hurt. He squinted his eyes when he thought he saw a familiar figure walking towards him. The person had blonde hair and was wearing black.

"Oi Usopp! What are you doing out here?" He called out. He heard the man grumble, but it didn't register fast enough that the man had raised a leg and aimed a kick at his head. All he managed to do was dodge clumsily and fall on his face. "Ow, you dirty bastard. Who ever you are, I don't want to see you ever again." The man grumbled angrily.

Zoro got up and wrapped his arm around the mans neck. "I was only kidding! You don't have to take me so seriously! You're my best friend! I could never hate you." He leaned into the slender man and started walking to where he thought the ship was last... He hated it when it was hiding.

"Dammit shit swordsman. Your breath is foul!" The man said.

"Ah ah ah! Don't judge a person by his odors... ... You have really pretty eyes." Zoro said suddenly. He saw the other man blush visibly. "Sorry I'm taken though." Zoro smiled as the mans face turned into a scowl. "Yep, his name is Sanji. Ah, before you say anything, yes he really is a guy, but he is so bueatiful, especially his legs. If you ever saw those with your own eyes, you would never turn to a woman again." Zoro took a good look at his walk home partner. "You sure do look a lot like him."

He felt the man stiffen then relax some.

"Would you... uh, go with me?" The man asked, he sounded a little unsure of what he was saying, but Zoro ignored it completely.

"Nope. I'm only Sanji's, and he's mine. Ain't gunna be any other way. And really I'm happy that's the way it is... Don't you ever tell him I said that though, coz if you do I might have'ta... do something to you..."

"Like what?" The man said, suggestion dripping from his voice.

"Something painful." Zoro said. Suddenly his world went dark and he clung onto the man next to him.

"Damn drunk." Sanji said as he grabbed a hold of Zoro. "And just when it was getting good too." He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled. "I'm so making eggs in the morning."

**Moo ha ha! Drunken Zoro yay! Oh and btw the smell of cooking eggs makes people with hangovers sick. I do that to my dad when he has one. XD**


	11. Striped Sweater

**I love Saturday morning cartoons!... Just not 4kids... Yuck. No I'm talking about Spongebob Squarepants! This little tid bit was inspired by his striped sweater song!! Yeah!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing... And once again, I don't own the shirt on my back or the one in this story... Kristi has some cool clothes! X3**

_11- The best time to wear a striped sweater is... NEVER!_

Zoro stared at the piece of fabric as if it were the most repulsive thing in the world.

"_Hell _NO!" He yelled at the orange haired woman who was holding the fabric in her hands. Nami grinned evilly.

"I'll cut your debt in _half_." she said. Zoro glared at her. He knew this woman was sea witch, just _knew_ it.

"How much will be left?" He asked cautiously.

"6 thousand." she said matter of factly. Yes, definitely a witch, or a daughter of the devil himself, how he hated this woman right now.

"How long?" He asked, his anger growing.

"Rest of the day." He felt his eye twitch in anger. He grabbed the repulsive green fabric from Nami's hands and stormed off to the boys quarters.

"Bitch." He mumbled to himself as he slipped it over his head. He looked at himself in the mirror and wanted to puke. It was the ugliest sweater he had ever seen in his life. It was green, striped and _itchy._ "Dammit, it's like they shaved Sanji's stupid face whiskers and knitted them into the ugliest shirt in the freakin' world!" He said while trying to scratch his back. He thought about what he just said. "There's noway I can let the others see me in this damn thing." He looked around desperately and came up with a plan. "I'll just stay in here for the rest of the day." He started to head for his hammock.

_Knock, knock._

"Oi, Zoro." Nami's voice came through the door. "I know you're in there. Come out and let everyone see!"

"Fuck you!" He yelled.

"Get out here or I'll double your debt!" She demanded.

"Stupid bitch." He muttered to himself as he stalked toward the door. When he opened the door Nami's face lit up with amusement. "I hate you so much right now." he said coldly.

"That's nice. HEY GUYS COME AND LOOK AT ZORO!!!" She yelled and ushered him forward.

As the crew started to show up Zoro turned around so they were staring at his back.

"Zoro _what _are you wearing?" came Usopp's voice. He never guessed that Usopp had any sense of fashion. He turned around and faced his nakama, red faced.

"It's a present from Nami! If you have a problem with it, talk to _her_ about it!" he stammered, pointing at Nami, who just smiled. They rest went silent, as if they were thinking whether or not they should tell Nami that the sweater was hideous or not.

"Zoro looks like a christmas tree!!" Luffy yelled suddenly and began to run circles around Zoro.

"Yeah!" Yelled Chopper and joined him. Usopp stared at Zoro for a second then nodded and joined in the circle.

Robin and Sanji shared the same amused smiles and returned to what they were doing earlier. Robin was reading and Sanji went to the kitchen.

Zoro didn't know who he wanted to kill at the moment. Nami, the three circling him, or himself. He couldn't do the first because Luffy would kill him, and he couldn't do the last because Luffy would probably bring him back to life and kill him again. So he decided to take it out on the three circling him.

"I'm giving you three seconds before I kick all three of your asses." Zoro said with a cold stare. Chopper ran off while the other two stood there and laughed at his shirt. It even took away his menacing look, because they were too busy staring at it's green, striped ugliness.

"Augh!" He lunged for them and successfully sent Luffy flying into the mast. Usopp was already gone hiding somewhere. "Dirty bastards..." he mumbled to himself as he headed for the galley. He was going to ask Sanji to convince Nami to let him take the damn shirt off. How would Sanji convince Nami?... Probably by saying he wont swoon over her the rest of the day. Yeah that would work. Definitely.

He walked silently into the kitchen and sat at the table.

"Oi Sanji." He said, afraid that the cook would laugh at him too and further damage his large pride.

"Yeah?" said the cook not taking his eyes off the treats he was making.

"Can you help me?" His voice was pleading, but when Sanji turned around his face wasn't.

"Nope. A deal is a deal, you'll just have to stick it out." Sanji said with a grin.

"That wasn't a deal! She threatened me!" he exclaimed.

"Do you know how pathetic that sounds?"

"Go to hell." Zoro said, he couldn't think of any other comeback.

"Don't worry I'll see you down there. We can have a barbecue." Sanji smiled.

"Screw you all! If you need me I'll be somewhere that I wont tell you!" Zoro stalked off, completely frustrated.

'He's so cute in that sweater. I just cant help but tease him.' Sanji thought as he stared at Zoro's butt as he walked out. He wasn't sure how something so hideous could be cute. But what the hell, he'd just make it up to him later tonight. Sanji's mind swam with the possibilities. Oh, this was going to be fun.

**Yep a wonderful present on Nami's part. XD**

**Words to Spongebob's song!**

_**The best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time.**_

_**The kind with a cotton... turtleneck, yes that's the kind!**_

_**Oh when you wear a striped sweaterrrrrrr...-- end**_

**X3**


	12. Luffy Doo where are you?

**Howdy! Wha ha ha! I personally love this one. It's basically a Scooby-Doo cross over, yet not quite... I think... Gosh I love you Scooby-Doo!!!**   
**Disclaimer- I heard that once, there was a kid who claimed One Piece... then got sued. So I put this up here.**   
_12- Luffy-Doo! Where are you?!?_   
They were in a haunted house. That was all he really knew.   
"Roi, Zoro. Where we roing?" Luffy asked him.   
"How the hell am I supposed to know?!?... ... Why the hell are you talking like that?" He asked, tugging at a piece of orange fabric that they had tied around his neck.   
"I runno." Luffy said. "Ranji, I'm rungry." Luffy made little pouty faces to Sanji, who just shook his head.   
"M'sorry. I don't have any food to feed you." He said, a little depressed himself.   
"Augh. Just where the hell are we?" Zoro asked again, wanting some answers.   
"Don't you remember bushido-san? When we arrived on this island, Usopp-san was kidnapped and tied to a stake in the center of town. They told you that if you solve this 'mystery' they would let Usopp-san go. And _you_ were the one who decided to humor them." Robin said as she pushed a pair of boxed glassed up her nose. "Why they dressed us up, I will never know."   
Zoro tugged again at the piece of cloth that was closing around his throat. He grunted in agreement.   
"Yeah so well, we might as well get this damn thing over with."   
"For once in your life, I agree with you Zoro." Nami said, she didn't have many complaints about her outfit. It was a purple dress, with pink hose and a head band. She didn't really like the head band.   
"_But you will always look beautiful!"_ Thats what Sanji had said when she complained. Earning him a hard glare from Zoro.   
"Let's go." Nami commanded, and they obeyed. Chopper was trotting close behind, he didn't even have to wear a stupid outfit.   
'Lucky damn reindeer.' Zoro thought.   
"D-didn't they say this place was haunted?" Chopper asked. Sanji looked fearful for a moment.   
"They did say that didn't they?" Robin nodded.   
"Yeah well whatever, lets just look around." Zoro said, opening a closet door.   
"BOO!" Screamed something from inside. Zoro just stood there and peered into the closet for a closer look. "Ahem, I said BOO!" Now a ghost like figure came out of the closet (ha ha coming out of the closet!) and approached the gang.   
"Oh." Was all Zoro said before he just punched the ghost man in the face. The ghost fell over, knocked out cold.   
"Rah hee hee hee." Luffy laughed. "Rat was reasy!"   
"Dammit Luffy stop talking like that." Sanji said as he slung the 'ghost' over his shoulder. "Oi Chopper, why don't you have to wear something stupid?" Sanji motioned to his clothes, which consisted of a green shirt and maroon colored pants.   
"I don't know." He said.   
"Nobody knows anything anymore." Robin said, with an amused smile on her face.   
"I can't believe that we went through all that just to see Zoro punch some guy in the face!" Nami nearly exploded. "Let's get the hell out of here!!" She pushed them all through the door.   
The gang presented the chieftain with the ghost man, and they got Usopp back.   
"Usopp, you were not worth that." Zoro told him as they boarded the ship.   
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!?" Usopp yelled in defense.   
"Whatever, do you want to know what _was_ worth it?" Sanji asked ripping off his shirt.   
"What?" Zoro asked.   
"Seeing you in _that_." Sanji pointed to the orange ascot around Zoro's neck. Zoro blanched and tried to rip it off again. Sanji grabbed it and pulled Zoro over into a quick kiss by it. Zoro glared at him momentarily before muttering,   
"Why am _I_ always stuck with the ugly clothes?" Everyone started laughing at him and Luffy ran around the ship screaming,   
"Luffy-dooby-doo!!!"   
**... Yosh! There was a Scooby-Doo marathon on yesterday... 9 hours of straight Scooby-Doo. I was there all 9... I have no life!!! XD**


	13. MY CHOCOLATE! ! !

**Howdy!! Now I must say, I am VERY bored right now and have a case of writers block so I don't really think straight, sooo this might be a bit strange... well stranger. XD enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece. Please, I don't want to have to tell you again... Even though I will.**

_13- My chocolate!!_

I was lifting my weights like I usually do in the morning. I couldn't wait to get finished. Why you ask? Because I had something special waiting for me, hidden under my bed.

What is it you ask?... 'Wait. Why am I talking to myself again?'

I set my weights down and wipe my sweaty forehead. I can't wait. I go directly to the mens quarters. What I see, seriously pisses me off. There Luffy is, sitting on my bed, eating my _chocolate!_

"Dammit!" I run over to him and take the box from his hands. There was none left.

"Look at what I found!" Luffy says happily as he licks the delicious-ness from his fingers.

"Spit it out!!" I yell as I lunge for him.

"Wah?" I successfully tackle him and start slapping him on the back. Like that was going to do anything.

"Z-Zoro, I-I'm s-sor-ry!" He tries to say through slaps. I just keep on hitting Luffy, trying to make him cough up my precious, to the point that I didn't even see Sanji walk in.

"This had better be a game of leap frog that you two are playing." I stop slapping Luffy and look up at the cook. He looked pretty pissed. Then I look down at my position on Luffy. Oh damn. I stand up quickly and growl. Luffy tries to get up but I kick him.

"Bastard took my chocolate!" I yell, forgetting that nobody was supposed to know about my secret obession.

"Took your chocolate? That's your excuse?!?" Wow, now Sanji looked even more pissed. Why wasn't the truth good enough for that bastard? Sanji stormed out of the room and Luffy stood up and rubbed his stomach, where I had kicked him.

"You could have told me it was your chocolate." Luffy mumbled as he left.

"Bastards!!" I yell not caring anymore. I _needed_ chocolate!!

I go to the kitchen, forgetting that Sanji was mad at me, in my search of that milky brown sugar that was my obsession.

"Oi get out of my kitchen you stupid bastard." Sanji yelled at me as I started looking through the drawers. I didn't see any chocolate.

"No I think I'll stay thanks." I looked up at the chef. He was so mad, he was stirring the batter in that bowl a little too fast.

"Stupid cheating bastard." He mumbles as batter starts flying around, splashing the counter and the cook. I notice that it's a familiar brown color. Could it possibly be? I grab the cook by the tie and pull him forward, licking the batter off of his face. Yes it was, chocolate!

"Mmmmm. That's good." I say as I finish licking the shocked cook. He starts to blush and resumes stirring, but at a slower pace this time. "Just a little bit too sweet." He shoots me a death glare and kicks me in the head.

Ahhh, finally I got my loves back. Chocolate and Sanji.

**Hee hee! I hoped you all enjoyed this addition to 'THIS!'... Ow my head.**

**As a formality I will now curse writers block. "Damn you, damn you, damn you." Says I.**


	14. Cravings

**Okay seriously. Have you ever had a craving for something so bad that you smell it? 'Coz last night I wanted lemon aid and I swear thats all I could smell... So now I'm all pissy 'coz I still want lemon aid and we don't have any... Margh!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece.**

_14- Cravings_

Zoro nibbled on his lower lip. He had some serious cravings.

Not cravings like Sanji and his damn cancer sticks or cravings like pregnant women and food. No, he had a wanting craving.

What was it that he wanted? He wanted some good ol' fashioned lovin'. That's what.

He went into the kitchen looking for his love-cook. Since breakfast was already over, it should be a good while before lunch. He took his time, knowing that about now Sanji was sitting at the table smoking a cigarette. And he was right.

"Oi shit swordsman. What do you want?" Sanji said from the table as Zoro entered.

"You." the swordsman replied, grinning impishly. Sanji knew what Zoro had meant and was _not_ in the mood for his crap.

"I don't think so." the chef said standing up.

"Come on I know you wanna."

"Fuck you." the chef snarled.

"No I think its the other way around." Sanji was pissed now, it had been a perfectly fine day until this stupid horny marimo had to come in here. Sanji growled, took a lungful of his cigarette and blew the smoke into Zoro's face. This caused Zoro to stop his advances and cough, so Sanji could kick him in the back of the head while his eyes were closed.

"Bastard marimo." Sanji said as he prodded Zoro, who was face first into the floor, with his toe.

"Shit cook." Zoro grumbled from the floor. He was going to get him yet.

**Moo ha ha!! Access denied! There I took out all my anger on Zoro. I really do feel much better. Ha who needs lemon aid!!... I do.. Wah!**


	15. Paper bag of doom!

**I have no sense of direction. Just like Zoro!! This one was just a strange thought that I had while grocery shopping.**

**Disclaimer- Same old, same old.**

_15- Paper bag of doom!!!_

Zoro was napping out on the deck where Luffy and Usopp were talking.

"I swear! Thats what Sanji said!" The sharpshooter said to the captain.

"Not uh! No one can do _that_!" Luffy argued.

"Yeah huh!"

"Nah uh!"

"Yeah huh!"

"Who can't do what?" Robin asked from nearby, looking up from her book with interest.

"Usopp says that Sanji says that this guy said that his uncle said that his friends cousin who's an ex-pirate said that Zoro could get lost in a paper bag."

"Oh really?" Robin asked with an amused smile.

"He sure did! I wouldn't lie about something like that!" Usopp said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"But Usopp your our professional lier!" Usopp opened his mouth to argue but Robin put a hand over it.

"Instead of arguing, why don't we test this theory?" she asked, amused smile still across her lips.

"Yeah! And when I win, you have to give me your lunch!" Luffy said with excitement.

"Too bad I'm not gunna lose!"

Robin chuckled a little as she got up and went to the galley.

"Cook-san, do you have any paper bags in here?"

"Oh! Robin-chan! Of course! I have anything you want!" Sanji did his trademark dance and handed her a paper bag that looked just big enough to slip over Zoro's head. "May I ask why such a ravishing beauty like you needs this?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"We are testing a theory cook-san. We're going to put this bag over swordsman-san's head to see if he gets lost within it." She chuckled and headed for the door. "You're welcome to join us."

Sanji followed Robin starboard to where Zoro was napping against the railing.

"Alright here you go." Robin handed the bag to Usopp. He nodded and accepted the bag. Slowly he slipped the bag over Zoro's head and stepped back. He nodded to Luffy, who prepared himself. He extended his head next to Zoro's ear.

"OI ZORO, WAKE UP!!!!!!" he screamed and snapped his head back as soon as Zoro started moving.

Zoro opened his eyes. Something wasn't right. Everything was brown and papery.

"What the hell!" He started to flail around. "W-what's going on?!? Where am I?" Suddenly he heard laughing and a scream.

"No way! I lost!" He could hear Luffy's voice. It sounded like he was dying.

Slowly Zoro reached up to his head and pulled off the bag. Slowly the crew came into view. Usopp was dancing, Luffy probably fainted, Robin was chuckling and Sanji was laughing his ass off.

"What the hell?" He shouted as he crumpled up the bag. He got up and approached the crew.

"You just got lost in a paper bag Zoro!" Sanji said between laughs. Zoro threw the bag at Sanji's face. He just kept laughing.

"Yeah! You should have seen it! Your arms were flying around everywhere!" Usopp laughed. Zoro ran out of things to throw, so he just threw his fist and nailed Usopp in the face. That shut him up pretty fast.

"I was not lost!" He said. "I was just... I was just confused that's all." he felt a blush run across his face.

"Yeah well whatever." Sanji said as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Lunch is ready."

"Sanji please." Luffy said as he grabbed onto Sanji's pant leg. "Please don't give Usopp my lunch!"

"Sorry Luffy a deal is a deal!" Usopp said. The rest nodded their heads and went on their merry way.

Zoro stopped Sanji after lunch.

"Oi shit cook, that was your idea wasn't it?"

"Oh the bag thing?"

"Yes the bag thing!"

"Nope that was Robin-chan's idea!! She's so smart!" Sanji did a little dance. "Oh don't worry marimo head. If I was going to embarrass you like that, you probably wouldn't have any pants on." Sanji laughed at the mans expression.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Some day, you'll see. Oh, you'll see." and with that Sanji was gone.

'Oh damn.' was all that went through the green haired man's head.

**Paper bags can be so evil!! They make Zoro get lost, Luffy lose his lunch and Sanji to pull pranks involving Zoro's pants!!! Yay paper bags!! XD**


	16. Zoro the nun! !

**Wha ha ha ha ha ha!!! I had soda pop!!!! Yay for root beer!! I'm hyper and my brain is doing overtime!!! Woot! Okay, now... For something REALLY messed up. Yay!**

**Disclaimer- I no own the Piece of the One!!**

_16- Zoro the nun!!_

Zoro stood in front of the church. He was going to do this, no matter what Sanji said. He was going to be a nun dammit, no matter how much Sanji protested.

"Oi shit head! I can't believe your actually here!" Zoro look over to see Sanji running to him.

"Hey I'm going to do this and there's nothing you can do!" Zoro said.

"I don't care! Just let me tell you something first!" Sanji said, out of breath.

"Nothing you say can influence my choice! I have complete faith in my god and I want to prove that to everyone."

"That's wonderful.." Sanji began.

"I'll do whatever it takes to become a minion of my god, even if it means teaching, singing, playing with children..."

"Not having sex."

"Not having sex... Wait what?" Zoro stopped listing things and looked over to Sanji.

"In order to be a nun or whatever, you can't have sex. That's just the way it is." Zoro looked at him in shocked.

"No sex?" Sanji nodded. "Well fuck that! That is so not worth it!! And the kids too! Fuck them! I don't need to waste my time with stupid little brats, or singing, who the hell cares if you can sing!" Zoro started ranting.

"Hey Zoro." Sanji interrupted Zoro.

"What?"

"Wanna go to my place and break some nun rules?" He asked. Zoro got a huge grin on his face.

"Sure. Nuns suck anyway."

**The end!!! Short yes, stupid yes, different? definitely. Seriously like my mind was on crack or something today!! That and I really don't know what a man nun is called... HA!!**


	17. Alien behavior

**Howdy! Here is the story behind todays... er story! I was laughing at some flames I got awhile ago, and brother #5 says that I make fun of them in a beastly manner. Then I turn to said brother and say 'You have a big vocab. There's no way you're only in the 6th grade.' And thus my alien theory rises once again!!!**

**Disclaimer- Why would I even _want_ to own One Piece? -thinks it over- Oh... I see now.**

_17- Alien behavior!! XD_

Zoro scrubbed away at the dirty plate. He had told Sanji that he would do dishes for him today. Why? He wasn't sure, but he was now starting to regret listening to her. He _hated_ dishes. They were so gross! That and Luffy's mouth had been all over at least half of them.

He put the last dish away and sighed. That was the last time he would do something nice for the cook. He didn't even bother to thank him. He just threw a towel in his face and walked away.

"Stupid shit cook." He muttered as he walked out onto the deck. "I don't know why I just can't say no to you." He leaned against the mast and looked around before starting to drift off into sleep.

"Oi! Marimo! Are you planning on sleeping standing up?" Came a deep voice that Zoro knew belonged to Sanji.

"Not anymore." He grumbled.

"Go and help Usopp swab the bow. He's still hurting after that kick to the face I gave him." Zoro twitched angrily.

"Why don't you just ask?" He yelled.

"Che and you would do it just because I asked?" Sanji said with a laugh.

"Yes!" Sanji stood with his mouth agape "Whatever." he grunted and went to help Usopp.

After being chewed out by Usopp for not being able to clean properly, Sanji had started to ask Zoro to do things all around the ship, like 'Do the laundry', 'help Nami-san carry those boxes' or 'take over watch for Robin-chan' it never ended and Zoro couldn't say no. He thought he would snap if Sanji asked him to do one more thing. Stupid woman. Didn't even know what she was talking about.

"Oi shit swordsman!! C'mere!" Sanji called from the galley. Zoro stood up from his sitting and stalked into the galley.

"What the hell do you want _now?_" He growled.

"Could you do me a favor?" Sanji asked grinning all the while.

"_What?_" Zoro forced out.

"Just accept my thanks for your hard work today." Sanji pulled a pan of muffins out of the oven. "Here. You get the first one." Zoro was awestruck, usually Nami and Robin got the first of the snacks.

"Thats all?"

"What you want another one? Geez your such a pig!" he said handing Zoro another muffin. Zoro took a bite of the muffin.

"Mmmm now I remember why I fell in love with you." he said when he swallowed.

"'Coz I can cook?" Zoro shook his head

"'Coz you always did understand me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sanji said in an 'obviously I'm not understanding you' tone. Zoro just ignored him and pressed his lips against Sanji's. "Oh." Sanji breathed into the kiss. Zoro really was acting strange today.

-------- Luffy and Usopp are peeking!! -----------

"Hey Usopp, why are Sanji and Zoro getting naked? Do you think it's too hot in there?" Usopp sweatdropped.

"No. Zoro took some of Nami's advice today. She said it was a sure fire way to get laid. Whatever that's supposed to mean."

"You didn't answer my question Usopp!! Why are they getting naked?!?"

"Hey let's go play cards." Usopp said trying to change the subject.

"Oi you two get away from there." came Nami's voice. "I challenge you two to a game of go fish." Luffy 'whoo hooed' and ran off while Usopp just followed him.

"Oh hey Nami, what did you tell Zoro to do anyway?" he asked.

"Oh that? I just told him to do something that he would normally never do. That's all." she said with a sigh. "Obviously it was listening to Sanji. He never does that." Usopp 'ahhed'.

"Oh good I was worried that the real Zoro was abducted by aliens and they replaced him with a clone that drinks the blood of small innocent creatures in the darkest time of the night, so I thought we needed to be worried for Chopper!" he started to laugh but Nami whacked him on the head.

"Baka."

**Heh, I have no excuse for not putting this on sooner. I'm just lazy. It was all typed up and everything... Oh well silly me. :D**


	18. Haramaki!

**'Grins evilly' I had a lot of fun writing this one. **

**Disclaimer- I no own One Piece!!!**

_18- 3 uses for a haramaki._

Sanji always asked him. "Why do you wear that shitty piece of cloth all the time?" He had an answer of course. But he just didn't know _which_ answer he should tell him. So he always stayed silent.

Of course the most obvious answer was to hold his katanas. But he had plenty more uses for his 'shitty piece of cloth'. Like it could be a wipe cloth or come in handy to strangle someone if it became necessary.

But there were three special reasons he wore his haramaki.

First was for when he would 'accidentally' get lost and wind up by the mature section of a bookstore. Since he was there, might as well pick something right? Then he will find something that suits his interest, preferably something that would make Sanji gasp with his new material. Now he wasn't a shy man, but going into public and buying this kind of stuff didn't really work for him. So he would stuff it down the front of his haramaki and just walk out. Now that took a real kind of brave.

Second use for his haramaki would be to cover up his erection after throughly scanning his particular 'book'. It actually worked pretty well. Not even the ero-cook could see his hard on from a distance, plus he is the only one really looking anyway.

Third and finally, really isn't a use. He just liked the way it felt when Sanji would grab it from the bottom and pull it over his head. It was an irreplaceable feeling that he would like to continue to feel for as long as possible.

But really, if Usopp keeps walking in on them, he might have'ta use it to strangle him.

**Short I know, but I just wanted to think Zoro stole 'adult magazines' by shoving um down his haramaki. **


	19. Alcoholics Anonymous!

**Howdy!! Alright I know this one is super short, but I just had to do this one!! XDDD**

**Disclaimer- I don't own OP!!!**

_19- Zoro's AA meeting_

'Damn cook' Zoro thought as he took a seat in a very plain chair. 'I have no idea how he convinced me to do this.' He looked around the room. He was sitting in a circle of people, all of them seemed to be thinking the same thing. 'Why the hell am I here.'

A woman went to the middle of the circle and began to explain how this 'session' would work and then pointed a long finger at him. He stood up slowly and cleared his throat.

"Hello. I'm Roronoa Zoro, and I'm an alcoholic."

"Hello Zoro." the entire room says at once.

'Damn cook' he thinks again as he takes his seat once again.

**Yup I told you it's short!! I was giggling too much as I was writing it. Just imagining Zoro at a AA meeting cracks me up. Oh and for those who don't know AA means Alcoholics Anonymous. **


	20. Lullabies of doom! !

**Howdy!! This is a request!! Yay! Made by Swirlheart and her brother Lightingstorm. XD**

**Disclaimer- I don't own nada!!**

_20- Lullabies_

Sanji was cleaning up the kitchen as Luffy and Usopp sat at the table talking.

"I'm so tired!" Usopp said with a large sigh.

"Then why don't you sleep?" Luffy asked, obviously confused.

"But I can't!!" he said angrily.

"Then I'll sing you a lullaby!" Luffy cried. He took in a large breath and started to belt out a lullaby on the top of his lungs. Sanji cringed and Usopp wailed in pain.

"Luffy shut up!!" Sanji yelled. Luffy stopped 'singing'.

"That's not a lullaby Luffy." Usopp said while he rubbed his ears.

"Well if that's not a lullaby then what is?" he asked.

"If you two want I can show you." Sanji said with a smile.

"Really?!?" Luffy and Usopp both said at once. Sanji nodded and motioned for the two to follow him. He led them out onto the deck and they all sat around Zoro, who was napping.

"But Sanji, he's already asleep." Usopp pointed out. Sanji shook his head.

"He's faking." he said and poked Zoro in the ribs. Zoro just snored louder. "Watch this." Sanji moved his lips by Zoro's ear and began to sing softly.

_nen nen cororiyo, ocororiyo_

_boya wa yoiko da, nen ne shina_

_boya no omori wa, doko e itta  
ano yama koete, sato e itta_

_sato no miyage ni nani morota  
den den daikon ni, sho no fue_

After a few verses, Zoro's breathing became deeper and slower, while his snoring became quieter. Sanji smiled. It worked every time.

"Wow. He's out cold." Usopp whispered.

"THAT WAS SO COOL!" Luffy screamed, right in Zoro's ear.

'Not good.' Sanji thought as he got up to run away. Zoro wasn't one that you could just wake up like that. As Sanji started to run he felt Zoro's grip around his ankle, and he was being pulled down. He looked around frantically only to notice that Luffy and Usopp were already gone. 'Bastards.' he mentally cursed them.

Zoro pulled Sanji into his lap.

"What the hell was that?" he hissed to Sanji as he pulled him closer to his face by Sanji's collar.

He couldn't say that it was Luffy. He wasn't here anymore, so it was highly unlikely that Zoro would believe him. So he did the next best thing. He leaned forward to Zoro's ear again and began to sing again.

Zoro was surprised at first but then started to relax and soon enough he was sawing logs as if nothing had happened.

Sanji got up with a sigh. Now it was time to go and knock out Luffy. Literally.

**Yup. I think that Zoro falls asleep to lullabies!! That is weakness!! XD And the song is just a classic japanese folk song. The first line is go to sleep, go to sleep. And the last one has something to do with a lady buying a flute... ;; yeah...**


	21. Hypnotism! !

**Oooookay now I finally get to put on the next request I got from Swirlheart and her brother!! Yay! Don't hate me for taking so long plz!! Oh and yes I do do (XDDD) requests. So go ahead and ask!! (cough) monkeydefatsalot (cough)**

**Disclaimer- Wouldn't it be cool if I owned OP? Too bad I don't. Oh well.**

_21- Hypnotism is fun!_

Nami looked down at the box that Luffy and Usopp were tearing apart.

"A hypnotism kit?" she asked leaning over the two boys. "What's it for?"

Luffy looked up at her and smiled. "We're gunna make Zoro tell us all his secrets!"

Usopp nodded and started to put the pieces in the box together, using a very complicated looking sheet of instructions.

"Tell us all his secrets eh?" she said, with a grin that got more evil by the second. "I bet Sanji would want to hear them too you know."

"Why Sanji?" Luffy asked, "He and Zoro just had a fight you know."

"Precisely." she said. "Well you done there Usopp?" she asked, clapping her hands then rubbing them together in a greedy fashion.

"Just one last touch and... There! Done!" he held up a small gadget with a large spinning disc attached to the top of it. Luffy hooted and Nami called for Sanji, who came out of the galley before she could even finish his name, with hearts trailing after him.

"What is it my dearest Nami-swaaaaan!?" he asked as he followed her, Luffy and Usopp over by Zoro. Zoro looked up at the for of them from his napping spot then closed his eyes again.

"What the hell do you want?" he asked after a few moments.

"Hey don't you talk to Na- Owie." Nami hit Sanji over the head before he could finish.

"Hush Sanji. Zoro..." she smiled sweetly. "These two wanna see if their new toy works." Zoro's eyes flung open to examine this 'new toy.' The last one wasn't exactly fun. If you could call being set on fire from exploding army men fun.

He eyed the hypno disc suspiciously. "What is it and does it explode?"

"It's a hypno disc!" Luffy shouted. "and it spinsssssssss." he said holding the 's' until Nami smacked him.

"Baka! No it doesn't explode. We just wanna see if you're the type of person that can get hypnotized."

"Che, I doubt it." Zoro said with a smirk. "Go ahead try."

Luffy and Usopp hooted and spun the disc, watching Zoro closely. Zoro just stared at the swirling colors for a while then looked back up.

"That's it?" he asked. "I think you just got ripped off Usopp."

"Awwww, but the old dude that I bought it from said that it could hypnotize anyone!" Usopp said with a pout.

Sanji looked around as Usopp and Luffy were complaining and Nami was looking at the device. He noticed the instructions laying on the floor and picked them up.

"Oh Nami-swan look at this!" he said showing her the paper. "Your supposed to say the 'magic' words for it to work."

Nami snatched the paper from his hands and looked it over. "Oh I see. That makes sense. Here." she handed the disc to Sanji and spun it. "Zoro look at the disc." she said.

"Che, fine." Zoro looked into the spinning disc again, scowling because now it was Sanji holding it.

"Zoro on my word, you'll do whatever Sanji and I say." she turned and winked to Sanji ,who practically melted.

"I don't think so." Zoro said defiantly.

"One, two, Jango?" she said while reading the paper. "Why does that sound familiar? Hmmm." she looked back to Zoro who was just staring blankly at the disc with his mouth open.

"Damn Marimo, close your mouth, you'll catch flies." Sanji said in disgust. Zoro's mouth snapped shut.

"WOAH! DID YOU SEE THAT!?!?" Luffy all but screamed.

"Yes now shut up!" Usopp said covering his ears.

"Hey Zoro! Pick your nose! Or do the splits, or make me a sandwich!" Luffy said. Zoro didn't move.

"Baka! He only listens to me and Sanji!" Nami said with a smile. "Now Zoro, tell me what that fight you and Sanji had earlier was about."

"Stupid wench." Zoro said. "He wouldn't --"

"Shut up!" Sanji said. "You don't want to know that Nami-swaaaaaan."

"Yes I do. Now you shut up too and let Zoro talk." Sanji made a whimpering noise, but obeyed her none the less. "Now continue Zoro."

"Damn cook wouldn't let me top him this time. He says that I did last time." Nami choked back a laugh and Sanji turned beat red.

"T-that's nice." she said between giggles. "I-I think I'll go to my room now." and she took off running, doing her best not to laugh _too_ loud.

"Dammit Marimo! Now I'll never get her adoring affection!" Sanji yelled as Luffy and Usopp conveniently found better thing to do. "Now get your ass in that kitchen!" Sanji was red still with both embarassment and anger. Zoro stood up and went straight to the galley.

"Damn thing." Sanji said and smashed the device under his foot. He was going to teach Zoro a lesson. How dare he let himself get hypnotized like that?!

**I'll leave it up to you on how exactly Sanji's gunna ahem, 'teach Zoro a lesson.' XDDD **

**Sorry for the wait. Busy lazy people don't make for uber quick updates. Sorry!! Oh and I realize I probably used the wrong spelling of disc or disk I wasn't sure which was the right one, so I used disc coz that one just looks cooler!! X3**


	22. Therapy

**Yush I'm updating! I know it's been awhile but I'm planning on posting two drabbles today and if I don't that just means I was too lazy to type anymore. Thats all. XD This one is a request from monkeydefatsalot hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I don't eat One Piece.**

_22- Therapy _

Zoro glared at the woman from his seat, which he **refused** to lay down in like a normal patient. That's right, the cook had some how convinced him to take a therapy session in the next town. How had he done that? The cook had cut him off. And he caved. Damned cook.

"Now Mr. Roronoa..." the incredibly tall woman said from her chair. He stared her down with his best glare that he could muster. "I can tell you don't want to be here, but," she glared right back at him, her blue eyes as cold as ice. "you really should get something done, your friend paid good money for this session so I suggest you take advantage of it."

"I don't have'ta do anything." he said standing up. The cook had taken his swords from him, something he was really starting to regret right now.

"You **will** do something Mr. Roronoa!" the woman said standing up as well. She towered over Zoro and stared down at him. She crossed her arms **under **her chest to emphasize her bust and tapped her foot. She reminded him a lot of Nami. "Now sit." she commanded and pointed back to his seat/bed whatever the damed contraption was called.

He sat.

"Now please explain why your friend wanted you to come to me on such short notice." she said taking her seat as well and pulling out a notepad and a pen.

"'Coz he thinks I have 'issues'" Zoro said with a roll of his eyes. The woman scribbled on her notepad and nodded, forcing Zoro to continue. "He's such a pain in the ass."

"Why?" she asked not even looking at him. 

"He makes me do stupid shit like this." he said gesturing to the room around him. The woman snorted.

"I'd prefer it if you wouldn't use such vulgar language in my office thank you." she scribbled some more then set her notepad down. "Well I must agree with your friend. You **do** have issues." he snorted. "You have no respect for anyone. It seems that you have a superiority complex."

Zoro stared at her blankly. "Eh?"

She sighed. "You think you're better than everyone else."

"Che, because I am!"

"Are you better than your friend?" she asked, a strange twinkle in her eye.

"Uh, ummmmm," was he better than Sanji?

"He was a rather handsome man. Wonder why he'd be around a person like you in the first place." she said more to herself, but Zoro heard it clear as day.

"That's none of your business woman." he said, trying to be as casual as possible.

"Well I intend to **make** it my business **boy**."

"I ain't no boy!" Zoro yelled. "I'm a man!"

"Oh really? So did the blonde make a man of you or did you make a man of him?" Zoro snapped his mouth shut. "I thought so. Now listen here boy, I'm no marriage councilor but I suggest that--"

"WE AIN'T MARRIED!!"

"You might as well be." she said rubbing her head. "Just listen to me for second before you start yelling nonsense boy." Zoro glared as hard as he possibly could at that moment. "Just tell your ahem 'friend' that you respect him and three reasons why. Then tell him three things he's better than you at. He'll either laugh or respect you further. If he laughs then you know he's not the **one**."

"That doesn't even make sense." he said scratching his head.

"It's not supposed to."

"What?!"

"You're an idiot!" the woman yelled and stood up. "If you expect to have any sort of relationship with this man you **have **to do some things that don't make sense!"

"Why the hell should I listen to **you**?" he blustered and stood up, he only measured up to the womans shoulder.

"Because if you don't boy, I'll personally rip you limb from limb and feed your innards to the wild dogs, peel your skin and use your eyes to sell on the black market. And all the while I'll do it with a smile of immense pleasure." he knew this was just an empty threat, but the way she said it, a smile on her face and it seemed that even her ice blue eyes were smiling along with her lipstick slicked mouth. Either that or it was all the big words, big words usually scare people.

He cleared his throat nervously. "Um okay."

This would probably explain his later fear of tall women.

But that's another therapy session.

**Tall chicks really are scary! But yeah I might do a sequel to this drabble. I might, I might not. I just dunno yet.**

**Thanks again for reading!**


	23. Teddy

**Mah! Okay now another request from Swirlheart!!**

**Disclaimer- Last chapter I put that I don't eat One Piece. I guess I was hungry, but along with not eating it, I also don't own it!**

_23- Teddy_

Sanji squirmed as Zoro snuggled him in his sleep. He felt like the mans teddy bear or something, the way he was rubbing his face on his shoulder and chest. And how he would stroke his fingers through his hair. It was fucking annoying.

And the man claimed he didn't cuddle. If only he could see himself while he slept.

The worst part about it was that he could never seem to get out of the mans grasp. It seemed he needed something to cling onto.

So the next town they hit, Sanji went on his regular shopping rounds, but this time he made an extra stop at a toy store, buying a rather large blonde teddy bear with a bright blue ribbon around it's neck. He put it at the bottom of the rented cart for his groceries.

Later that night when Zoro had fallen asleep, Sanji put the teddy bear between them and watched as the mans arms wrapped around the toy and a smug grin stretched across Zoro's face. If only he had a camera.

Early the next morning Sanji left to make breakfast one time for once. Fifteen minutes into cooking the meal, he could've sworn he heard Nami scream from the... mens quarters? He turned the stove off and rushed down to see what the problem was.

When he reached the mens quarters he saw Usopp and Chopper rolling around laughing while Zoro was clutching his chest where his heart was while staring at the teddy bear as if it just tried to kill him and even in all the noise Luffy was still sleeping.

"The hell... did that shitty thing come from?" Zoro panted heavily.

Sanji just smirked.

The only thing left was to catch him sucking his thumb.

**Yeah it's short I know, but I'm soooooo bored! And I really wanted to get this up ASAP. So yea I'm gunna go and climb a tree or something... **


	24. Tickle Me Sanji!

**Woo hoo! I'm updating! So now y'all can stop yelling at me! Yay! And also I figured out how to makes hearts and stuff!♥ I feel pretty smart right now! Oh yeah!**

**Disclaimer- I don't own One Piece.**

_24- Tickle Me Sanji_

"Mommy I want this one Mommy!" a cute little girl named Osaka said as she skipped down an isle in her nearest conveniently placed Wal•Mart.

"What is it?" her mother called after her.

"It's a tickle me Sanji! All my friends have one! They say he laughs if you tickle his wittle tummy wummy!" she pulled a box of the shelf containing, the item of her choice. "It's so cute!" she giggled and placed the doll in the cart. "Lets hurry home Mommy so I can play!" her mother just smiled and nodded.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

Sanji grumbled as he served breakfast that morning. He'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed, well actually he wasn't even in his bed when he'd woken up. He was tied to the mast as a sick prank by Usopp and Luffy so they could break into the fridge.

"Sanji are you still mad?" Usopp asked from his corner of the kitchen (for safety reasons of course).

"Do I look mad to you?" he growled as he turned to glare at Usopp.

"Y-yes?"

"Then I'm still mad!!" he barked irritably. Usopp winced in fear. Just as Zoro was about to laugh at Usopp's cowardice Sanji busted out laughing.

"The hell Sanji?!" Zoro said with a raised eyebrow. "What is so goddamned funny?"

Sanji tried to stop his sudden laughter, but couldn't stop. "Your face." he choked out as a lame excuse.

"HAHAHAHAHA! SANJI THINKS ZORO'S FACE IS FUNNY!" Luffy yelled across the table, spoon still in his mouth.

"Is that why you keep the lights off when you two... put it this way, do the nasty?" Nami asked, her sweet, devilish smile on her face.

Zoro looked like he wanted to punch something... or someone, while Sanji just laughed harder. "What do they do that's so nasty?" Chopper asked innocently.

After everyone as nonchalantly as possible excused themselves from the table, and Sanji had finally calmed down, Zoro approached him.

"Sanji... the hell was that back there?" he asked, more concerned with the fact that he'd been burned so easily, then Sanji's outburst.

"I don't know!!! It felt like a bunch of tiny little fingers were tickling me!! I couldn't stop laughing!" he tried to explain.

Zoro just stared at him for a moment. "Dude... lay off the shrooms." he said before leaving.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

"Mommy! Did you hear him laugh?!" Osaka asked as she started to tickle the toy again, making the small doll vibrate with laughter.

"Oh my! It sounds like he's having fun." her mother commented with a smile.

"Uh huh!"

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

"Man... This is no fun.." Sanji said as he tried to catch his breath after another giggle fit.

"Maybe he has a disease?" Chopper asked Robin for about the billionth time.

"No Doctor-san, I'm sure he'll be fine. Cook-san has been under a lot of stress lately..." Robin said, appearing to be deep in thought.

"Hmmm yes... Stress could be a stimuli to this behavior..." Chopper said to himself. Robin just nodded.

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

"Hey Mommy, I think Sanji is getting sick." Osaka said.

"What makes you say that?" her mother asked, amused.

"When I tickle him, he doesn't laugh as much now." Osaka placed her fingers on the doll and tickled it in demonstration. The doll started out laughing like normal then faded away with what seemed like a grumble.

"Hmmm, I think it's low on batteries. Let's try that." she suggested.

"Okay Mommy!"

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

That night stayed on watch in the crows nest with Zoro. He was bored and couldn't sleep in the cabin because he might start busting out laughing and wake them all up.

"Sanji... Why the hell are you still here?!" Zoro asked.

"I told you dumb ass, i'm bored and I don't know if I'll start that random laugh shit again." he shifted closer to Zoro and rested his head on Zoro's shoulder. "It sucks ass."

"Che, whatever."

Suddenly Sanji felt the small fingers tickling again. "Hahaha! GODDAMMIT HAHAHAHA! STOP FUCKING TICKLING ME YOU FUCKIN SHITTY BASTARD!" Sanji yelled to no one in particular, and suddenly the tickling stopped. "Huh... thats weird. It stopped."

"Well maybe you should've cussed whatever it was out sooner. Dumb ass." Zoro said.

"Shut up."

☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺☻☺-

Osaka dropped the doll and screamed while her mother stared in fright.

"D-did that thing.. just say what I thought it did?" her mother gasped.

Osaka looked on the verge of tears. "H-he said stop fucking tickling me you shitty bastard..."

"Don't you ever say those words again!" her mother scolded as she took the doll to the trashcan. "Young ladies don't talk like that!"

"Yes Mommy..."

**Mwahahahaha!! Done! The corruption of little children... yay! I've sunk to a new low. XD Okay imma go to bed now. G'night y'all... And REVIEW! XD**


	25. Death! A story that has no dying

**Rawr! Hahaha, omg this is what happens when you're allowed to watch the news in Sociology class instead of doing current events! Hehehe. P.S. It is sooo not sad, so don't let the 'Death'ness get to you!**

**Disclaimer- If I owned One Piece... well lets not even go there. X3**

_25- Death_

"Okay guys." Nami said standing up from her seat at the large round table in a very expensive looking restaurant. "It seems that Usopp here forgot that someone needs to keep watch on the ship." she glared him a few very sharp daggers. "So we're going to head back and check if anything was stolen, especially with those rumors about the bandits going around this place."

As everyone stood up she motioned for Luffy, Sanji and Zoro to sit. "You three stay, we've already ordered and the food didn't come cheap! Plus I know Luffy and Zoro will just find a way to screw everything up." she added casually.

"Whatever bitch." Zoro mumbled while Luffy just laughed.

"Anything for you Nami-swwaaaannn♥" Sanji said taking his seat again. She nodded not really caring and the crew left to double check the ship.

"Sooo.." Luffy started. "Does this mean I can eat their food!?"

"No!" Sanji snapped.

"Aww..." Luffy said, defeated.

"Sirs, your meals have arrived." said a snooty waiter by the name of Billy Bob Joe Smith.

"Yahoo!!" Luffy said and Sanji slapped his hands away. "Ow..."

"Don't touch anything until Nami-swan returns!" Sanji hissed. Neither of the other two moved for the food again. They sat there for minutes in silence and Luffy's drool. So Zoro tried to break the ice.

"You know... I'm getting really close to beating Mihawk... I can feel it." he said with a grin equal to Luffy's.

"Whatever dumb ass," Sanji started, "is all you're asking for is your ass handed to you."

"I won't die." he said simply. "I'm not afraid of death either, I just can't die yet."

"Huh? Not afraid?" Luffy asked, snapping out of his food negligence trance.

"How can you be such an idiot?"

"Zoro that doesn't make sense!" Luffy complained. "I don't get it!!"

Zoro thought for a moment. "Well... Dying is kinda like... The womens bathroom." Sanji looked at him like he was an idiot... well a bigger idiot. "You know you're not afraid to to into it, but you just can't. And when you do go in, its only because someone shoves you in."

"Uhh... okay..." Sanji said with a confused expression.

"Ohhh!! I get it! So what do I do if I want to see what's inside?!" Luffy asked, understanding written on his face.

"You'd have to kill yourself." Zoro said with a shrug.

Luffy eyed the bathroom across the room and picked up a knife to bring to his wrist. "No you fucking idiot! You'll bleed on the food!" Sanji yelled and tackled Luffy to the floor.

Zoro laughed. "Idiots." He said before taking a bite from a plate.

**Mer... Dying is like the womens bathroom. I like that! XD And don't ask.. I'm normal... I swear. Short? Yes. Weird? Yes? Funny? I hope so!**

**Now you see that button right there in the corner? CLICK IT! and then... and then... review!! 'Coz I know you wanna.**


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